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The Myth: "Everyone is Different"

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(@dogtalkerer)
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 315
Topic starter  

I've read this many times on this website.    I see two problems.     one, it stops the conversation dead, and two, its incorrectly used.

 look in the US for a second, UAOO estimated 400,000 ostomies.   the group here has around 12 regular members.   the idea that these 12 people or so represent 33,000 ostomates each is highly unlikely.  it appears that "everyone is different" because so few make comments.  if you were to add 100,000 people to the conversation, you would see patterns and sub groups formed.

some people come here to chit chat, others come for answers or possible solutions, "Everybody is Different" is a statement that contains no useful information.  and as I've noticed, kills the conversation.

 


   
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VeganOstomy
(@veganostomy)
Admin
Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 4193
 

You are right in that it tends to end the conversation, but it also leads to one person exploring what works for them, in whatever context you want to apply that to. That's an ideal situation, since it would be worse if the conversation persisted because no action was taken to solve a particular problem.  

Posted by: @dogtalkerer

  if you were to add 100,000 people to the conversation, you would see patterns and sub groups formed.

You would absolutely have small groups of people where things aren't very different: they have similarly sized stomas, they are the same approximate body shape, and they have no other complications. For those people, what works for one may certainly work for the other without any issues. 

However, there are far too many variables to take into account to even suggest that we are not different.

Those differences are the reason why someone might ask a question or pose a problem that they'd like input on solving.

Ultimately, my hope is that all questions are addressed/answered in a way that provides a) a solution, b) a path to a solution. c) a feel for what others are experiencing. 

 

Just your friendly neighborhood ostomate.
~ Crohn's Disease ¦ Ileostomy ~


   
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Lynne
(@lynne)
Joined: 4 years ago
Posts: 74
 

I find that people usually say "everyone is different" with a helpful intent, implying that the advice they are sharing may or may not be applicable to all.  You see it as negative, but when I read it, I see it as the person being sensitive and not wanting to come across as dogmatic/one size fits all.  I don't observe it closing down conversation.  I'm also sure there are way more than 12 people who benefit from this great site.  Many people come in and out depending on what's going on in their lives and their health.  I've also seen many people comment for the first time, saying that they've been using the site "quietly" for years.  I'm grateful to Eric, and also to all the people who take the time to chime in, even if their advice isn't always applicable to me. 


   
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(@john68)
Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 2022
 

Hi Folks, When l post an answer or suggestion I try not to say that my thoughts or experience is what is going to work or be suitable . Ie not a “one size fits all “ and yes the quote “every one is different “ I see it as it’s leaving the conversation open for others to post their experience and advice. I would say we have a very wide range of members posting and sharing on the forum. Vo is a friendly safe and unique place ?

ileostomy 31st August 1994 for Crohns


   
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(@dogtalkerer)
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 315
Topic starter  

VO, there are big groups, the two biggest are ileostomies and colostomies.   other big groups are over weight people with leaks, leaks due to scars.     remember the difference in pH(ileostomy vs colostomy), this has a big effect on skin condition.      

more than not I see it here as stopping the conversation,  and that helps no one, other than they go find a different forum.  the comment serves no useful purpose.

VO you are right about a conversation continuing without any purpose.   but you should eliminate(edit out) idle chit chat within posts that I have seen as well.  nothing worse than looking for info only to find regulars chit chatting within a specific question posted.


   
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(@dogtalkerer)
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 315
Topic starter  

VO, I missed a very big group as well, the people who never really have any problems where they seek help.  .  look at the numbers on any and all forums compared to the overall number of ostomies gives clues that a large amount of people don't seeks out help .

in the US, the estimate is 400,000 ostomies, do you know the estimate in canada?  

you have to consider the "weight" of variables, within groups.   look at a couple examples:

when you look at a rainbow you see red,orange,yellow,blue, green, purple.  but there is an infinite number of colors, but we estimate only a small number of colors.   the numbers between 3 and 5 are infinite but we normally say 2 numbers.   in the US,  normally you see forecasts as clear, partialy cloudy, mostly cloudy and cloudy.   but the actual cloudiness proportion can be infinite.

 so you are correct in a sence that everyone is different, but to talk about any subject we have to nullify very small variables and look at the more heavily weighted variables.   


   
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VeganOstomy
(@veganostomy)
Admin
Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 4193
 
Posted by: @dogtalkerer

but you should eliminate(edit out) idle chit chat within posts that I have seen as well.  nothing worse than looking for info only to find regulars chit chatting within a specific question posted.

I do try to separate out mixed topics so they have their own thread, but I'd rather not edit out conversation unless it's completely derailed a topic or contains harmful information.  Our Lounge is always open for chit chatting :)

I do have a few layout options for the forum, so as an example, can set up certain subforums in a Q&A layout, where answers are voted on when they are helpful/relevant, so you'll see those on top.

But I tend to prefer the current layout as it's more traditional and versatile for handling both questions and shared stories.

Posted by: @dogtalkerer

but to talk about any subject we have to nullify very small variables and look at the more heavily weighted variables.   

I do agree, and there's a balance between sending someone off on a wild goose chase to try 101 things that could help them, and being lucky enough to "guess right" the first time.

My hope is that through feedback, suggestions, and our collective experiences, we'll be able to help solve a good number of issues that come up when a stoma nurse isn't available to help someone directly. At the very least, narrow down possible solutions.

Your feedback has been most welcome. ? 

 

Just your friendly neighborhood ostomate.
~ Crohn's Disease ¦ Ileostomy ~


   
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