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Alcohol with in Ileostomy  

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wcnmom
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February 18, 2019 1:49 pm  

Hello everyone! I am writing this because I don't know where else to turn.  My fiancée is an alcoholic. He drinks at least 2 to 3 pitchers of beer daily. He has an ileostomy. He did good for the first week we was home from the hospital, no drinking. which also ment no leaks.  Hes now back to drinking daily and Im having a hard time to get his appliance to not leak. his output is more runny now. I have talked to his doctor before about his drinking and the dr told him it its going to cause trouble with everything. But my fiancée thinks im just wanting to control him. In all reality I just want to keep him alive. sorry if this don't make any sense, but Im just so frustrated!


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john68
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February 18, 2019 2:42 pm  

Hi wcnmom, Was your fiancée a drinker before his illness or the ostomy, could he be using alcohol as a crutch to block out problems, Yes it is possible to have a drink with a stoma but in moderation. Any addiction needs a commitment from the addict and that where the road back starts. Would he be prepared to see a Doctor again to discuss what help he could get. Using starchy foods to thicken the output would help and also dehydration is some thing to watch out for. From your posts you are his rock and while not easy for you he needs your help more than ever.

ileostomy 31st August 1994 for Crohns


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wcnmom
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February 18, 2019 6:19 pm  

Hi John! yes he was a drinker before surgery. It is his biggest downfall to me. But you cant change someone who doesn't see they have a problem. I keep telling myself that. But it is hard. And yes he does see me as his rock, but what he also don't see is I am starting to crumbled.


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john68
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February 18, 2019 6:41 pm  

Hi wcnmom, This is a struggle you cant fight on your own, for your own sake and your partners health and his ostomy discuss going back to the Doctor to look for help. We all have our demons and the only way to sort is to face them head on.

ileostomy 31st August 1994 for Crohns


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VeganOstomy
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February 18, 2019 11:28 pm  

I don't drink at all (haven't touched alcohol since I was diagnosed with Crohn's over 10 years ago), but I know that many ostomates tend to have a problem with alcohol causing almost a laxative effect. 

This blogger makes it a point to write, "I can normally guarantee when and if a leak will happen and thats normally after alcohol." (SOURCE)

And the United Ostomy Association of America (UOAA) also lists alcoholic beverages as a source of increased stools and gas forming (SOURCE)

You mentioned that you've spoken to his doctor - has he discussed this with his doctor? Maybe hearing it for himself may force him to make the connection. 

 

Just your friendly neighborhood ostomate.

~ Crohn's Disease ¦ Ileostomy ~


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UCtoOstomy
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February 19, 2019 6:12 pm  

I've read your other posts and it sounds like you are applying his appliance for  him.  I commend you for this, and I hope he appreciates how much work and time you are giving for this.  He is very lucky.  Maybe you can teach him to do this himself so that he can own it.  After surgery (thanks to Eric's video's) I removed and applied my own appliance and have ever since.   This is my life, my body, my ostomy. I own it.  I have had mishaps and I own them too.   With the leaks, I found Eric's video and article helped alot with this.  Finding a 'quiet' time for an appliance change helps alot.  About 30 min after waking up without eating is best for me, and others have said the same.   I don't know what to say about the alcohol, and many of us have family members who drink, smoke or have other substance issues.   The struggle is real for them and us.  Good luck and welcome to the forum.


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Dona
 Dona
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February 19, 2019 6:12 pm  

Hello WNCMON,

Your plea makes a lot of sense. You are  against a rock and a hard spot and don't know what to do to make anything better. You have already put a lot of love time and energy into getting him healthy again.

First of all, you have to take care of yourself. You can't help anyone if you are not able to function . This is a difficult situation for both of you.

He knows he has to stop drinking but he needs to really commit to that road. It is up to him, not you to take that necessary step. I do hope you seek help both individually and as a couple.

 

Like Eric, I no longer drink alcohol of any kind.  I can't imagine putting anything into myself that won't improve my health.

Let us know how you are doing, this is a good place to talk although none of us are professionals. We can listen and think. 

Onset of severe Ulcerative Colitus Oct.2012. Subtotal colectomy with illiostomy July 2015; Peristomal hernia repair ( Sugarbaker, mesh, laparoscopic) May 2017.


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LK
 LK
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February 19, 2019 9:32 pm  

Hi wcnmom...I also do not touch alcohol. It is an unnecessary evil. Your fiance needs to take the control into his own hands and learn to change and look after his own appliance.  In reality,  you can not always be there to do this for him no matter how much you love him. 

If  I were you I would ask myself if I wanted to be under the shadow of alcoholism for the rest of my life? Your tag has "mom" in it. Is this the example you want for your kids? If he is having such trouble accepting his situation, then he needs desperately to find help and the fact that he is drinking tells you as much. Alcohol won't make the ostomy go away. I can certainly understand if the shock of his ostomy has been too much for him but that alone is good reason to get some professional help. The sooner the better. As hard as it may be sometimes we have to do what is best for us as a single person, you and you alone, you and your kids. The reality is here. A person can live a good life with an ostomy. I am sorry you have to go thru this. Sometimes the cards have to be layed on the table and a decision made. Laying in his own leak may be what he needs to change his desires. Sorry if this is too blunt.

 

 

Linda


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sjlovestosing
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February 20, 2019 7:48 am  

Hi wcnmom,

I am sorry to hear about your struggles. My own mother married an alcoholic (her first marriage)  but when she saw how it was affecting their children, she took my brother and sister,  left and divorced him. Having talked with Mom about her experience, if she hadn't had the kids to consider, she may have stayed with him. So, I understand how difficult this must be for you. However, you do have to think about whether this relationship is going. Going into marriage with an issue of this magnitude is something you should seriously ponder.

In the meantime, the both of you should seek out a good counselor. Have you  considered going to Al anon meetings? Al anon is an organization of people like yourself - the spouses, children, and other family members who have an alcoholic loved one. They are a great support and have much information to help you. You can find the location in your area by going on the Internet and putting Al anon in the search engine. That should lead you to their website.

If your fiance' refuses to seek help, then it may be time for you to end your relationship with him. Half the battle of any addiction is to admit that you have a problem. The other half entails working toward the goal of sobriety.

May God be with you as you try to decide what to do.

Stella


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Marcie
(@shulmjs)
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March 10, 2019 11:14 am  

wcnmom--let HIM clean up his mess and himself !! .  not being mean or anything--but, we have to learn to take care of OURSELVES as ostomates.  Personally, I know when I have a ONE SMALL wine I KNOW that it will be an interesting night.  So, I am so careful of what my certian intakes are  all about. 

WE MUST TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES FIRST.  

HE HAS AN ISSUE ONLY HE CAN TAKE CARE OF...  (and I am sure he is not alone) 

Don't baby him.. I am sorry he is dealing with a stoma,  this is why we r here.. 

DON'T let his (these) 2 issues over power YOU !! Neither one of you will move forward properly..  

Best of luck, Marcie.  

 

 

2014 - 3 strangulations of colon, Ulcerative colitis, removal of colon, illiostomcy named woooh Nellie..


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