@sjlovestosing Stella, keep in mind that cancer treatments are improving all the time. A lot has changed since your original diagnosis years ago. You live in a time when there are a lot of medical possibilities. Thanks for keeping us up to date; we all want the best for you.

Laurie

Hi Stella,

Best wishes for all your upcoming tests and appointments, and a big hug sent to you across the country! ❤️

Hi Stella... its been a busy week for me & my basement dwellers & for me when I'm looking after my 2 yr. old Grand D. Gwen 3 days a week. I'm pretty beat in between! Lol!   

I have checked in several times looking for updates from you. Its so good that cancer is not messed around with. I'm so glad to hear your getting more refined tests... this  is very good. They will be able to mark progress this way... We were told that  when Doug had pancreatic cancer. It doesn't make what your going thru any easier though does it! 

As I checked in through the week I continued to hold you tightly in my thoughts &   prayers. I'm also praying the Specialists will make the BEST choices on your behalf. You've been heavy in my thoughts & I'm giving you many long distance hugs!!  We can all use hugs in a time like this! 

I'm praying for strength  & courage as you have to go thru all testing again.  My prayers will continue & they will shift into your present needs of making clear, sound & comfortable decisions that will be the right ones for you. 

I imagine your family is supporting you the best they can as a diagnoses like this is hard on all those we love around us too. May I ask how your hubby is holding up & the kids also. Don't feel you have to answer that. Have you let your church know so they can put you on the prayer chain if they have one? Would it be okay if I put you on our prayer chain?  Its fine either way &, I will continue to pray regardless.

If its even possible at this point I hope you had a reasonably good day today. I  know God will set the right people around you as your needs change. Continue to be as strong as you feel you can be! Heres another hug!!! 

@dlkfiretruck 

Thank you so much. Yes, Linda, I always appreciate prayers. My church is praying for me as well as my sister's. I had what is called as the Sacrament of Anointing. It is used for people who are ill - not necessarily on one's death bed! It is comforting as you have people surrounding you in prayer as Scripture is read and an anointing with holy oil is applied to forehead and one palm. This Sacrament can be done as many times as the person wants it. 

I would also appreciate your prayers for my husband, children and grandchild. This is a hard time for them as well. I do a lot of praying for others as it sure beats feeling sorry for oneself. However, I did have a crying session this morning as the realization of all of these tests began to overwhelm me. Fears of the radiation in all of these tests, despite the oncologist's reassurances, concern me and make me wonder if the infusions of radioactive material will only make my cancer worse. Maybe I am being ridiculous, I don't know. 

One good thing in all of this is my stoma is still doing its job! I don't have any cancer there!!!

Anyway, thanks again to all my ostomy pals. I send my love and hugs back to all of you.

God bless,

Stella

@sjlovestosing ...I so wish I could carry some of your heavy burdens for you if only for a little while. This has to be so very difficult! Good for you for letting the tears roll. I believe tears are all part of the accepting, questioning & moving forward process leading into the eventual healing enough to go through what your facing department. 

Stella  you are wise to question ALL of what your being told & offered as it's the only way you can make a clear knowledgeable decision.  If you haven't already, write these deeper darker questions down &  take them to your next apts. Tell them you need these answers in order to be sure of what your doing & to have the confidence to move forward. Tell them all your concerns. Its really the only way they can help treat your whole person.  I can pretty much assure you they will welcome your openness as then they too know you've made an informed decision thats " best " for you. Right now your in crisis mode & likely feeling like your swimming in mud! Confidently ask anything you need answered to be able to shower off the mud! 

I'm afraid I don't understand much about radiation treatments either.  My Dad had them but I also know  that once "my overly pig headed I have a point to prove father" and I say that kindly, finally went to the Doctor it was pretty much too late & cancer had him firmly in its grip & he expected full on treatment & recovery.  Ugh!   I remember asking him how the radiation treatments were. He did say that as long as he took medications as directed he was in very little discomfort if any at all. As most with Radiation treatments it does affect the outer skin as well so do make sure you ask questions galore & NEVER Apologize for asking them. 

Ofcourse I will continue to pray & I have  included  Grands (if any) Parents, Aunts, Uncles & & friends too. You can add anyone in charge of your treatment or following doctors orders on your behalf. You need to be surrounded by those who have a caring heart thru this challenge in life.

I have heard of the Holy Sacrament. Its part of the Catholic Church right?  When I can go to church its the Alliance Church similar to the Baptist & but not as rowdy as the Penticostal Church can get. No offense to anyone who may attend the Penticostal Church, but we Baptist types like to go home for lunch before 1 p.m. on Sunday! Lololol! In our church its a similar time, prayer for healing & needs to be met. Anointing with oil on the forehead by the Pastor is a part of it as well during the prayer for healing & also as often as we wish. It can be done anywhere or at the church. Its a very comforting experience & worth it to know others are seriously holding you in prayer too. Once we put someone on the prayer chain you stay there & are prayed for regularly until something different is instructed.  If you would like me to put you on ours also Its no problem at all but I do understand if you want to keep it closer to you.  Just say so. All they will get is your 1st name, as God knows who you are and prayer for healing from cancer, treatments & such. 

Stella, you just continue to show your tough side when you can and your weaker side when you need to. Let those tears roll.  I'm pretty sure no one here will judge you for shedding tears as often as need be & as often as I think you should!!  Lol.  I know I sure would! This has to be a terrible shock to all of you!  We are all here for you in any way you need us to be! I'd be more then willing to send cards of encouragement thru snail mail too if it will help in any way possible. Just private message me  your address & you've got it Lady!! Hang in there !!! 

Stella, will your radiation be by infusion? I had never heard of that - must be something rather new (modern medicine and research are amazing)?  My dad, who recovered from his prostate cancer, had radiation seeds (that is what they called them) placed surgically around the area. After awhile their power faded and vanished (this was expected). I had radiation, also, for my cancer, with the ray. They played my choice of music (I chose classical) during each 15-minute session, and they were so nice to me.

@sjlovestosing Stella, the radiation infusion won’t make your cancer worse. The purpose of radiation generally is to shrink the cancer, and the radiation won’t stay in your system. I don’t know much about radiation infusion (mine was external beam) but I understand that it does minimal damage to the tissue around the cancer, which is always the concern with radiation. 

I know what it feels like to be overwhelmed by new information about your cancer and the treatments. Don’t be afraid to ask the same questions over and over again of your doctors, Stella. Or ask them if you can record your conversations with them on your phone so you can listen to it again. Perhaps there is printed material they can give you that will be helpful for you to read. Do you have a friend or a family member who works in healthcare, who might be able to help you process this information? A source of information I found helpful was the Canadian Cancer Society - there is a lot of information on their website that I could go back to as often as I wanted to. I don’t know where you are, but if you’re in the US, the American Cancer Society would have the same wealth of information. The Canadian Cancer Society (and probably the American one) can pair you with someone who has your specific type of cancer. That is SO helpful! Just like having an Ostomate help when you have a new ostomy, a cancer mentor can help explain things, and they really know how it feels to be in your shoes. My cancer mentor is worth her weight in gold! She is also a member of VO. 

When I was going through radiation treatments, I worked hard at positive imagery. I imagined the radiation machine harnessing the power of all the stars in the universe, and then aiming that power at my tumour. I did that every day for 6 weeks. Stella, there is so much we don’t know about the power of the human brain - I just figured it couldn’t hurt to imagine the radiation as powerful force for good. 

Another thing to consider: the treatments will likely fatigue you. If people offer you help in any form, allow yourself to take them up on their offer. You sound like the kind of person who helps others, so you know how good it feels to help someone else. Let others feel that experience now. When you’re feeling better, you’ll be able to get back to helping others, but for now, just relax and let someone else take charge. That will help everyone feel good. 

Laurie

Stella, I will keep praying for you. I had the Sacrament of healing before my cancer treatments. It brought me peace and smiles through the treatment periods.

I don't think the radiation infusion will make cancer worse. Nowadays, the medical technology is combining types of cancer treatments methods like radiation, chemo for the purpose of minimal damage of the good cells.

I had radiation combined with chemo to shrink the tumor before my surgery. My chemo doctor said  so far this is the best method to prevent the re occur of my cancer. I went through without much impact to my body. This was done before my surgery to remove the tumor on my rectum.

Yours radiation infusion may not be the same as mine above,  but please believe that your medical team must be giving you the best treatments to heal the cancer. Plus, please believe that God is also working with that medical team to guide them to heal you.

May be you would like to consult your doctor what you should do to prepare your body for the treatments. I was told to eat most of the food that I like to prepare my body to be stronger. The nutritionist advised me the same just be cautious of a little that I shouldn't. My family doctor prepared me how to handle daily lives, like prepare some cream etc.  Yes, seemed overwhelmed, but they all do good to me. I wrote them all down. After first few days, it became my routine and was easy to go.

Stella, God is with you, you're now is His baby and He will take very good care of you. God Bless.

Hi everyone, 

I guess my fears stem from the fact that my veins are so hard to find and are fragile. Also, the toxicity of chemo is scary as it is systemic and can affect all the organs. I know there are chemo therapies that target a particular cancer, but the oncologist said that my cancer may not have a specific treatment for that. He did make it sound like chemo is like a walk in the park, and I have a feeling it is not. Some people are able to do the treatments and are fine. Others, who are sensitive to drugs, like myself, don't do well. I will be seeing the radiologist and will have scads of questions for him. This isn't my first rodeo in that respect! 😆 

Thanks for all the advice and support. I do appreciate your concern and prayers.

Love,

Stella

@sjlovestosing Stella, it entirely depends on the chemo. I was on Capcitebine, which was not particularly difficult, as chemotherapies go. It was pill form, so no infusion. I didn’t lose my hair. I did have other side effects, but they weren’t as bad as they might have been.  Obviously I can’t know how your experience will go, but I am very sensitive to medication too. You can probably look up the different chemo meds on the Cancer Society website, either the Canadian or American. It is so important to understand what your treatment entails. I know how difficult it is to try to learn this stuff when you’re not at your best, but the more information you have, the better decisions you can make. 

Laurie

@sjlovestosing Stella, I had a port for my chemo; maybe you will, too.  It was placed/inserted under the skin on my chest, above the heart. The procedure was very easy and absolutely painless (they gave me some sort of dreamy anesthetic). Then each time I did chemo infusion they accessed the port and did not have to do a vein. I did the in-clinic chemo once a week, and for a few days afterward each time wore a small chemo-pack attached to the port with a tube. Its removal was very easy, also. For what it’s worth, that was my experience. I was not crazy about the port but most people I’ve talked to haven’t minded and one friend was sorry when hers was removed; she had some sort of appreciation relationship with it. 

You already have an ostomy, and if you have concerns about that -  my surgery was before the chemo and radiation treatments, and so I did all this while worrying about my new pouch/apparatus leaking, etc. - but nothing at all like that happened.

Hi all, 

This morning I had a revelation. I realize that people are telling me that I should do what's best for me, but  if I did that, I have no reason to fight the cancer. However, I came to the realization that doing just what's best for me is very selfish. I have to have a reason to fight. That reason is to do what's best for my family and friends. I was created to love and serve. It's what I love to do.

I also realized that sometimes, despite what doctors say about treating the patient, they don't unless the patient takes control. I know my body and I know what it can take. If I decide on chemo, I want the one that targets my particular cancer, is not systemic and to start with the smallest dose possible, then we can talk about increasing the meds. That is the approach my homeopath takes with me as I am very sensitive to remedies, herbs, and even over the counter drugs.  I guess in a way my stubborn, fighting Irish spirit has suddenly returned. I will do what I need to do, but not without asking hard and honest question. I am 65 years old and refuse to be cowed into doing something that's not right for me and my loved ones.

Thanks for listening!

God bless,

Stella

@sjlovestosing Stella, I like the sound of this - I can hear the resolve in your words. YOU are in charge. Never lose sight of that. You may make decisions, and then change your mind about those decisions sometimes, but that’s just fine. You are learning as you go. The important thing is that YOU are the sole proprietor of your body, and therefore, YOU are the one who makes decisions about what happens to your body. Your medical team is there to give you all the information you need about all of your options, so that you can make the best decisions. You know your body better than anyone else; you are a very important part of your own healthcare team. Your fighting Irish spirit will help you get through the difficult times. 🍀 And so will your family.

Laurie

More power te yer wee back wheel . (Translation) Good on you and the best going forward 👍

Posted by: @john68

More power te yer wee back wheel . 

Stella, John took the words right out of my mouth. 🤣 That is exactly what I was going to say. 🤣

But seriously, you go, girl!!  You have got this. If love, prayers and good wishes could pull you through this, you’d be fully recovered already. Just based on the support you are getting here, I’m sure there is an unmeasurable amount of support when you combine all areas of your life!!

Another big cross country hug for you and so many loving and healing thoughts coming your way. ❤️

Thank you oh so much! I had the biopsy this morning, which was no picnic, let me tell you. My oncologist said that the surgeon would insert a needle and take a sample, no numbing necessary. WRONG! I did have an anesthetic, but yowsers the needle hurt for the anesthetic, then the vacuum drill really hurt. The poor nurse got her hand crushed while she was holding mine.

The next person I see is the radiologist. I'll get all sorts of info from him, but I already know what to expect as I have been through this before. The last radiologist gave us all the facts and was very honest about the treatment. Still, I plan on asking hard questions if only to let this guy know he's not dealing with a child. 

Yes, I do feel that I have to have control over all this. My husband and I are in agreement concerning any decisions I make. Whether I go for treatments or not, I still plan on living life to the full and loving and serving God, my family and friends as much as I can. I am no quitter!

Love to you all❤️!

Stella...Now thats the fighting spirit to have!! I'm sorry your biopsy was so  painful. They are just not fun at all. I sure understand about hard to find blood veins!!  My last iron infusion took 5 digging pokes before they landed a vein that wasn't slamming little doors shut. Its not uncommon for a nurse to end up using the one in my index finger below the knuckle but above where my finger meets my hand. Those suckers are not fun no matter where they stickem' ! 

In the room I get my infusions every cancer patient has a port for their chemo treatment. I would be surprised if they didn't give you one. Heck, I wouldn't mind one myself as my bi-monthly mini torture sessions that are starting to erase my brave! lol! 

I have heard of several patients who use imagery as suggested above to beat down & eat away at their cancer. One person I know used a pac-man character to chew away at her cancer during treatment & even while resting at home between treatments. A positive attitude is really important & I too have read patients do better the more positive they are. I will add easing of your medication sensitivity issues to my prayers for you. 

I admire your honesty & raw feelings you share here. Your pretty darn tough just for showing up at a biopsey in the 1st place.  When you start to feel beaten down just remember you have us here cheering you on big time & a whole whack of people that you do & don't know praying for you ALL!!!  Think of us all as an army marching you forward to healing.  Keep up the fight for all the reasons &  precious  faces you have for living! I like it when I get to say this next... stay strong,  you've got this in the bag!! lololol!

Hi Stella!  Just checking in to see how your week is going?  I’ve been thinking about you. 💕

Hi all. Just checking in. It's been a hectic few weeks, but I now have a plan in place and feel good about it. I just want to thank each and everyone of you for your support, prayers and good thoughts. It truly makes a difference when you know you have someone rooting for you. God bless you all!🤗

Posted by: @sjlovestosing

I now have a plan in place

This is such a wonderful thing to hear. Just having a plan reduces so much anxiety and worry. Full steam ahead!!💪