Ann, C. Just be yourself !!!!!!!!!!!  Sweet as you are, you don't have to tell people of YOUR baggage.  Until you feel the relationship is well for YOU.. That is a normal route anyways right? 

Everyone has baggage of some sorts. We just cant hide ours.. for very long any ways.. Some people with baggage or a personality / inter-family's he or your may not want to get into--  Or the hidden "baggage"?? Surprise on you?? 

JUST BE        ANN.C  !!!!!!!!!!!! Start with going out with some people, girl friends. (check out the bathrooms where they at right?) :-)  Get to know Ann . C. how she moves, how she guides herself around the tables to the bathrooms!! -- :-) Get her anxieties out now--like any one else that is going back into this field. Remember a relationship is to be friendly- The private of being a lady issue is yours.  If that is where a date is headed? To me? nope.. Ostomate or not.. I would prefer a group setting myself.. f you can get on a site of ostomate dating.. If I were to go this angle for a relationship, Yes, I would try it out. Sending you wonderful happiness!! Marcie.

Hi Anne, I had my ostomy when I was 24, amongst all the life changing issues I had to deal with relationships was one of them, none of the friends I socialised with had a problem with my new life. I when out to clubs, bars etc did every thing everyone else did and probably more lol. firstly when meeting a girl for the first time the last thing I did was say HI I have an ostomy wanta go on a date. But their does come a stage that its the right thing to do. I will say hand on heart only once did I have a negative reponce but not a bad one. I married which didn,t work out(nothing to do with my ostomy) and was back dating again. I met a wonderful girl who I have been with since. long story short be open, up front, yerself and if any one has an issue move on. Nothing wrong with dating our own kind but the others are ok too lol!! please feel free to ask any more queries ye may have.

Ann, both Marcie and John have good advice ... Be Yourself.  Remember your Shakespeare "to thine own self be true," I did what Marcie said. I went out first with good friends who knew what was happening to me and who I trusted. I checked out restrooms and got comfortable. Gradually expanded who I was,with and as I had more experience going out.  I always just tried to be me and e honest about what was going on.  I was rarely asked any questions, wit the right clothing on (see the thread in the lounge that Marcie and Felicity made. The pouch can be covered and is barely noticeable and most people look a your face not your abdomen. If you don't fuss around with your ostomy  people won't know it's there.  Just hang in there, you are going to do great.

Posted by: Ann C

 I learned about this dating website  called OstoMates or something...has anyone tried it? I am just so scared to start dating a "normal" guy and how to explain having a bag etc. Can anyone relate? Does anyone have suggestions? Thanks (again!!)

There are several such dating websites, but I honestly don't know if it harms or helps. Ostomates are perfectly capable of not only finding a partner but sharing a long, healthy relationship with one who doesn't have an ostomy for themselves. 

But then again, your comfort level is what matters, and if it makes things easier for both partners to have an ostomy then more power to you ;)

Discussing an ostomy or chronic illness with a new partner is always scary. A running joke I hear from many people is that opening up about your ostomy is a good way to find out who's worth hanging onto and who isn't - and I believe it!

I was always upfront about it. Didn't want to waste time or energy. Picking up for the second date with "the one", I discovered a stack of library books explaining my disease and its "cure". Now it's nearly 25 years since that day. My lovely bride and 3 kids are well versed to dad in the hospital every few years. I couldn't be happier. 

Thanks to you all! I really appreciate your responses. I know that an ostomy isn't the "end of the world" but I am still getting used to it.  Knowing that others have dated, married etc. with one gives me a lot of comfort. Thank you! I am so grateful for this forum.

Try a trial run--like driving around by yourself and stopping at gas stations, CVC drug stores- etc. Shopping for yourself...  Get used to different bathrooms.. By yourself!! I did this and was proud of such little events I accomplished.  Baby steps.. ?  Turn into every day steps.. Your steps..  And don't forget your ostomy supply's-they must be with you at all times!! 

Learn your diet that may bring on a filled pouch before going out to lunch/dinner.. Eat a little bit 4 hours before had. Coffee and booze is a NO-NO!! = full pouch on a regular basis. You will learn. Just try the above on going out on your own.. First....... And everything will come into place for YOU !!! Happy trails. ----don't forget the ostomy supply bag!!  I keep a big one in my car just incase .. And a small one in my purse. Men carry a back pack. What is in there is our business. And one day you will be happy that you have one in your car..DO NOT KEEP OSTOMY SUPPLY'S IN THE CAR  Hot will melt and cold with harm the stick on waffer..  Think of this as you are in charge of a baby--what does baby need for the trip to the store?? Forget the raddle and diaper tho.. 

Posted by: VeganOstomy

Posted by: Ann C

 I learned about this dating website  called OstoMates or something...has anyone tried it? I am just so scared to start dating a "normal" guy and how to explain having a bag etc. Can anyone relate? Does anyone have suggestions? Thanks (again!!)

There are several such dating websites, but I honestly don't know if it harms or helps. Ostomates are perfectly capable of not only finding a partner but sharing a long, healthy relationship with one who doesn't have an ostomy for themselves. 

 

Discussing an ostomy or chronic illness with a new partner is always scary. A running joke I hear from many people is that opening up about your ostomy is a good way to find out who's worth hanging onto and who isn't - and I believe it!

 

That is so true,

I'm a single Female also. Close to joining either Ostimates. Com. Or other. I seem to favor this site. I want to date again. Nothing's wrong with me!!  I just have a clinging Friend (Stella)  Finding a good understanding partner would be awesome. 

Kerry, I see your companions name is Stella,  that's what I named mine too.  Had a picture of "a Streetcar Named Desire"  on my mind. She was 1 on Jan 27th.  Here is a photo of her birthday cake:

Oops too large photo.. trying again

Barbara,

GREAT cake decorations! Love the pink touches. Well done.

Happy belated stomaversary to you.

Thanks Dona. I was in rehab at the time and i used the opportunity to show my occupational therapist that I could operate things in the kitchen without stabbing myself or burning down the house.  I found German Chocolate to be a most appropriate flavor of cake, especially with the coconut pecan frosting!!

Very apt! And what could be better than chocolate cake with coconut pecan frosting.

It looked like you managed it without doing yourself  or the kitchen any harm either.

As to the dating issue ( staying on topic!),

I just had a thought that my ostomy is the newest thing about me! My husband and I have been married almost 50 years, so I am not dating and don't really have any advise.

EXCEPT.. anyone that would be bothered about the 'new you' is not worth your time anyway. Being healthy is more attractive than being sick.

Dona, all I can say is AMEN, AMEN to that.  Being healthy trumps everything else. I will no not only have my ostomy appliance attached to me, but will have tubing and all from my insulin pump.  For Star Trek fans,  the Borg already think I am part of the collective .

You don't need to hear from me about dating. I'm not an expert or even practiced.  I wish you good luck or hunting to find a lifetime partner. 

One thing . It is very hard to like someone else if you don't like yourself. Spend a lot of time "liking " yourself.  It is very, very attractive . (I DO NOT mean being self centered and selfish. )

Good luck.

Z