Hi Mary, Welcome to the forum. That’s a pretty rough journey, illness is bad enough without all the extras. The pass is the past it’s the here and now that’s important. As Eric says don’t overthink the stoma. Yep accidents can happen but with help and experience you can climb up the life ladder. I second all that’s been said and hope you stick around to avail of the information and help here. Best wishes and best foot forward 👍👍

I’m so sorry to hear if all you have gone through. It’s a lot different when ileistomy is an emergency rather than planned. It has to be a shock for you. I think being that no one gave you the education on your Ostomy that you deserve and you had to read up yourself has made this journey much harder not to mention the boyfriend. It’s like you have been lacking a support system. It’s no wonder you feel the way you do. 
Know that we are here for you for support or any questions you might have. Some towns and places, hospitals may have Ostomy support groups as well. I know there are therapists in the colorectal surgery departments in some hospitals for things like this. You defiantly need a support system. I think with that you will be able to move forward and enjoy your life again and for mr. Boyfriend….. karmas a bitch! 
I had a planned Ostomy but I was in pain for 4, years prior so I was begging for one. It was a huge learning curve for me even with my support system. This site and others helped me get things figured out. Oh and yes the waking up in a pile of shit. Been there done that. I sleep with a disposable bed pad under me now. I’ve had to leave full carts in the store and run out and drive home and get into my shower with the cloths still on taking them off in the shower but that was all due to not having the right pouch . I need a convex and was not wearing that. That’s when they switched me. Of course things are gonna happen here and there but as the more experienced we get with this there is less likely to be leaks. I work full time with my Ostomy sometimes 8  hours and sometimes 12 hours. For a while I had to do 19 hours a day with only going home to shower and go back. Did that a few months. I bring an emergency kit with me. I have put together a couple pouches cut and ready to go, adhesive remover wipes, soap and paper  towels. Then I have a bathroom bag put together. It’s basically a lunch bag type thing and inside I have my own toilet paper, a water bottle for rinsing a, some Ostomy deodorant and a few paper towels  in a baggie. This way I have everything I need wherever I go. I keep all this the bathroom bag and the emergency kit in a tote bag. I usually bring extra cloths as well I take a baggie and put a pair of underwear inside and in another I roll up a pair of leggings and then socks. I bring a roll of paper towels sometimes too but hey that’s what tote bags are for. It’s been very seldom I’ve had to use any of the extra cloths or the emergency kit at work. Maybe 3 times in four years. It sounds like a lot but this is the hand  I was dealt and I’m just happy to be out of pain. It’s doing a Lot of things we are not used to but the show must go on so I have came to terms with having to do things differently. I even tell people I have it like at work this way no surprises and no embarrassment I’ve already told them. 
know that you are not alone. None  of us really wants this thing but we have it due to some reasons or other. It’s s matter if saying Hey it’s here so now I need to figure out what i need to do different. The more experienced  you get the easier it becomes. I don’t  take my kit or my bathroom bag if I go out to eat or if I’m just going to the store anymore. I used to take it all in the start but as you see how things are going you can adjust that according to whether you need it or not. 
Wishing you peace and healing 

@Mary H Munro Hey Mary, how are you doing? I hope you're feeling a little better, after you were able to vent here. You went through a hell of a lot of bad stuff! It's okay to feel depressed, just don't go and do something silly, okay? Hang in there! Life is still worth living, even if you can't find that right now.

So, you've been knocked down pretty badly. But you can get up. There are ways to get some control back. But it's up to you to find the strength and the will to take that second step. You coming on here and opening up to complete strangers, shows me that there is some fight left in you. You took that first step, bravo!! 

Now take another step and reach out to the hospital that sent you home without any explanation of how to deal with your stoma. Get a little angry about that, it's okay. I would be so pissed if I was in your shoes! And I would definitely let them know and demand some help.

The final thing I want you to understand is, that accidents will happen. You will probably one day wake up in a pool of poo. And that is gross, yes. But you can prepare yourself so it'll be a little easier to deal with. Get some incontinence pads (or puppy pads, if you're ashamed to get the incontinence ones). Or a wahsable incontinence sheet. That way, you'll save your matress. Keep some old rags near your bed, so you can stumble to the shower without soiling your floor.

Don't worry about leaks in public. I've soiled myself many times in public and people are just too busy with themselves (or their phones) to notice. Just remove yourself from the situation and clean yourself up. Keeping some emergency suplies with you, will help you continue your day as if nothing happened. 

Your stoma happened to you and it saved your life. So there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and don't let anybody have you believe otherwise. But it's up to you how you deal with this. Will you get up and fight? Then make your bed every morning. Even if you get back in. I promise, it helps immensely!

If you can't find the strength right now, you might find it tomorrow. In the mean time, stay here with us and let us know how you're doing, okay?

Mary... I came here tonight to specifically check & see how you are doing & if you have any questions needing answers. 

Mary we are here for you & want to help you adjust & figure things out. We all have ostomies of one sort or another & we want to help you! 

Having a stoma does not always mean leaks or waking up with one. Right now you may feel all you do is empty your pouch but Once you figure out what works for you & what signs of possible leaks to look for & how to avoid them... believe me life will become so much more DO-able. 

I was thinking this morning about the leaks I had in the first years of learning to live with my ostomy.  Had I known to look for support thru the internet just like you have... then things would have been much easier for me I'm sure!  Right now your guts are still learning to adjust as much as you are.  Give them time to settle down from pain & surgery. 

The best thing I learned was to eat "smaller meals more often" so I didn't feel hungry all the time and to NOT eat a few hours before bed.  I still eat my main meal between 3:30 & 5:00 p.m. & this way by bedtime, usually about 10 or 11 p.m. my guts have settled down & I can sleep knowing I won't have a bad night.  If I'm hungry in the evening I snack on a few cheese & crackers & a few easy to digest foods/veggies or pickles, like olives verses dill pickles, foods didn't cause gas &  I learned that my guts like. I kept track in a journal of everything I ate & how my guts reacted to them & how long it took foods to go into my pouch.  I learned all that and so much more here!! 

You'll figure these things out too Mary!!  I agree with all above, life is fun & so worth living!  Ask anything!!!  THERE IS NO  SHAME or JUDGEMENTS here! 

Hi Mary, Hoping you are feeling better today.

I found VO, VeganOstomy, when I was searching the internet not long after my surgery to see what clothing might work for my new silhouette (“what to wear” was not my biggest issue, but this gave me something else to focus on). A stoma is quite an adjustment - the body and spirit have so much to adapt and get used to. It hasn’t always been easy, but it’s do-able. VO, VeganOstomy, has been a great help, and I hope that you are enjoying the videos, product reviews, Eric’s story, and the great people on the forums. 

I’ve learned a lot, through both VO and experience: to not eat big meals (though I certainly eat plenty during the day!), keep the number of products as simple as I can, take good care of the skin around the stoma, find a good, effective bathroom spray - and M9 drops. And that none of us are alone with this.

Have heart and take care,

LL