Do you have any tips or experiences to share?

Apparently there are corset makers out there who do make corsets with ostomies in mind! They create an opening to enable access to your bag. These are custom items and the corset maker must meet you to do the measurements. You won't find these off the rack, most of those are not good for you anyway due to not being made to suit your particular body.

That's pretty cool! I would imagine it's a very niche service for an already niche product, but I'm sure many corset makers would be accommodating.

The only problem I have with intercourse after having my ileostomy is that nothing can be spontaneous anymore I really have to be prepared to have intimacy with my wife.

Yes, planning with an ileostomy is important. Ostomates who have a colostomy (especially those who irrigate) are more fortunate in that regard since their appliance isn't being filled as often.

You're lucky man. I smell like crap 100% of the the time, can't eat, am a walking skeleton, spend an hour and a half irrigating everyday, haven't had sex in ten years and probably never will again. I'm 30. Its tough not to think about women all the time, but this ostomy is so gross and crippling, that sex is impossible.

Anyway, I'm really glad that you didn't turn out like me.

That's rough, JH!

Sounds like you've got some underlying and ongoing health issues that are making life really difficult for you - do you have any access to a stoma nurse to at least help in some stoma-specific areas like the smell or irrigation? And can your doctor help to figure out the eating and weight issues?

I think that once you get on track, it'll be less of a burden.

Thanks for your reply. My only real health issue is the ostomy. Before the ostomy I was going to the bathroom 15x per day, but was actually very healthy and fit. Now I'm half dead. I've already paid $18K (US) for surgery, tests, WOCNs, etc. It's been 5 years of this. I'm just screwed.

Sounds like there's still something going on, but I know it's expensive to continue with tests.

I've known a few people who were told that nothing is wrong, but they continued to feel terrible all the time. One friend was persistent and traveled across the country until a solution came up - now he's healthier than ever.

Thank you Eric, I enjoy your detailed report. Fran

I believe commented on another of your sites, Eric. My colostomy surgery resulted in almost complete impotency. Of course prior to my surgery it seemed like my medical team (surgeon, WOCN, physician) purposely downplayed the risk of impotency. Now when I say "almost complete impotence", I do get the occasional, very weak and useless erection.

And I haven't had real sex since. I tried dating a coupe of times, but both times the women broke it off with me after feeble attempts at sex.

I'd like to start dating (and have a sex life) again, and I feel like I have a lot to give, but let's face the cold truth. it ain't gonna happen until this issue gets fixed.

Robert, it's unfortunate that your medical team wasn't more forthcoming with the risks of impotency. 

Have you been able to speak with a urologist to see what surgical/medical devices you have as options?

Don't give up on dating! Intimacy is only one part of a relationship (with sex being a small part of intimacy), so you DO still have a lot to offer in the meantime. 

Hi Robert, Yes explore every medical option, Plus when you really look at any relationship sex is a very small part. Also any relationship based only around sex never really lasts. 

robert, lets be frank here.

recently a girl told me, what I can't finish, she would. also you could incorporate sex toys in the play, gay girls apparently use strap-ons with their partners. or other battery toys.

read up on building up testosterone levels.  my hardness level has dropped recently to what I recall the 3rd round of sex when i was younger.   I'm thinking the softness is possibly coming from the lack of skate skiing I've been doing. strenuous exercise appaerently plays a roll in testosterone levels,  so I need to get back to the 30-50 kilometers i was skiing per week earlier this season.    i find sexual interest, no interest goes in cycles.

JH why do you irrigate?  my colostomy is pretty thick, most of my output comes out in morning as it once did.  how about using milk of magnesia once a week?  I've read about using MOM but have never tried it.  irrigating seems way to time consumming for me.  takes me longer to pee than empty bag.  if you then  rise the bag it feels like a new empty bag.  you shouldn't smell crap with a good new bag. 

robert were you the one who had no luck with viagra? 

There are apparently corset producers that make corsets with ostomies in mind! They cut a hole to provide access to your luggage. Because they are bespoke products, the corset maker must meet with you to take measurements. You won't find them off the shelf, and most of them aren't suitable for you anyhow because they aren't created to fit your specific physique. Sex therapy is a subset of psychotherapy, which is a wide word for treating mental health difficulties with the help of a mental health professional.

Very interesting, thoughtful and helpful. My partner has an o stony op and finds, because of the placement, difficult to wear trousers other than loose fitting tracksuit pants, also big enough tshirts and ones that are extra long.