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Your experience as a LGBTQ+ ostomate?

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(@vickih)
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 20
Topic starter  

I wanted to get a feel for how others are coping with being LGBTQ+ and an ostomate?  I am relatively new to my new body and in looking I found very few online support forums for LGBTQ+ ostomates.  One of my big struggles has been how my wife feels about this and does it change our relationship.  She has been great,  don’t get me wrong this is my own stuff.  She actually wanted me to have the surgery as I nearly died from crohns.  But we already struggle with prejudice especially since we do not look the part of heterosexual norms.  Now I have this bag.  I am adjusting but it’s hard.  I also am concerned now because we have been attacked in the past and I have been the protector.  I feel vulnerable  now.  Just wanted to get some feedback or perhaps even be able to have this be a place of support for others in the community also adjusting.


 


   
davidinthailand, LK, john68 and 1 people reacted
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(@squeakyandliza)
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 993
 

Hi Vicki,

i am so sorry you have experienced prejudice in the past. It is my dream that we can get to a place where no one has to feel that way, but there is a long way to go. 

I can tell you that feeling insecure about how the ostomy will affect your relationship is not limited to the LBGTQ society. Probably most of us on here have felt that way. It sounds like your wife is very supportive and that makes all the difference. Many of us have shared how our spouses help up deal with this new lifestyle. And we have both male and female ostomates, so we get all kinds of perspectives. I have learned some very valuable information from many of the men on here. I expected to learn from the women, but I was surprised how much the men have helped as well. With what we have gone through in common, no topic is off limits here. 

So, I hope there are some LGBTQ people who can chime in to help, but the rest of us will try to be supportive the best we can. ?  Your questions and issues probably aren't as different from ours as you might think. 

-Liza
Ileostomy 6/18/2018
“May your day be bright and your bag be light.”


   
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(@john68)
Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 2048
 

Hi VickiH, This world is full of people with options which would be best kept to themselves and better if they never had Them in the first place. No one can choose who they fall in love with. Support from a partner is priceless, No one has been with out fear so ask yer questions and the very best going forward ?

ileostomy 31st August 1994 for Crohns


   
LK and SqueakyandLiza reacted
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(@vickih)
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 20
Topic starter  

@squeakyandliza

I have received so much support from so many not even knowing their orientation so I do appreciate all the support and believe we have more in common than not.  Any prejudice of any type even of our medical situation can relate.  I do appreciate all of you and this site.


   
VeganOstomy, LK, john68 and 1 people reacted
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 LK
(@dlkfiretruck)
Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 1496
 

@vickihoh Vicki, my goodness, I am prejudice about one being prejudist. It is nobodies place in life to tell anyone how to live ones personal life. Your welcome here, no matter your choices. Eric had great insight when he put his dream to work here. It's about information accessibility. We are all human, we all breath, eat and poop. We all have questions that need answering. We all have ostomy challenges. WELCOME VICKI and wifey!

 

Linda


   
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(@debbiere)
Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 2
 

It seems to me that everyone needs support, including LQBTQ + people, we deserve it! It doesn't matter how others react to you - it's your family, your relationships


   
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(@yvan-charbonneau)
Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 39
 
Posted by: @vickih

I wanted to get a feel for how others are coping with being LGBTQ+ and an ostomate?  I am relatively new to my new body and in looking I found very few online support forums for LGBTQ+ ostomates.  One of my big struggles has been how my wife feels about this and does it change our relationship.  She has been great,  don’t get me wrong this is my own stuff.  She actually wanted me to have the surgery as I nearly died from crohns.  But we already struggle with prejudice especially since we do not look the part of heterosexual norms.  Now I have this bag.  I am adjusting but it’s hard.  I also am concerned now because we have been attacked in the past and I have been the protector.  I feel vulnerable  now.  Just wanted to get some feedback or perhaps even be able to have this be a place of support for others in the community also adjusting.


 


   
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(@yvan-charbonneau)
Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 39
 

I’ve had a stoma since January 2022 and supposed to be temporary (now waiting for 2 more surgeries !!!) amd perforated diverticulitis was the reason for my ostomy which I nearly died from becoming septic. I now wear a 2 part holister appliance and my thoughts are this week we’re gay bashed on dec 31 st 2014 In Calgary when someone tried to take the cab we reserved 5 months prior after my husbands DJ gig that night and smashed the Vans taxi side glass on the sliding door (this was more a comically retarded set of events that made me laugh more than anything) but as rule now and with retrospect if I was stuck in a bad position where I would have to physically defend myself well I’d have no problems using fire with fire and my two part Hollister appliance as a weapon if need be as whatever would happen this would probably end up being my weak spot and I may as well use it to as a last défense. Having said this we live in rural Saskatchewan now (past 12 years and we’ve never once been close to being in this situation but as the straight acting man in my marriage I wouldn’t hesitate to use it as an absolute deterrent. Being from northern Ontario I’ve used bear dung to deter a bear that was once tracking us in the Bush so the concept isn’t as alien as you would think. Circumstances would have to be dire before I’d even go there however. If I have to experience messes because Of it in the pass no point holding back if I’m in this type of situation. I’m far from being an agressive person but I have put thought into this. 

hope this helps but I refuse to be a victim if I can so help it. I’ll understand if this post gets banned but this is my point of view on the matter 


   
LK, Tigerlily and VeganOstomy reacted
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VeganOstomy
(@veganostomy)
Admin
Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 4255
 

@yvan-charbonneau Thank you for being so open and sharing your experience. It pains me to hear that you've been in situations where you've been threatened or close to being physically harmed.

I fully support your right to defend you and your husband, however that may look like. But I hope that you're never put in that situation - no one should be.

Just your friendly neighborhood ostomate.
~ Crohn's Disease ¦ Ileostomy ~


   
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(@john68)
Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 2048
 

It’s a crying shame that someone thinks it’s their job to judge. Imagine if everyone was the same. Looks, personality etc! It’s what makes the human race unique!! Being different. Maybe some fine day the bullies will see that ?

ileostomy 31st August 1994 for Crohns


   
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(@yvan-charbonneau)
Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 39
 

Actually it was the only time we were gay bashed and only cause those idiots wated our cabs. So I didn’t feel threatened. The gig was great that night and I was feeling great or should I say “GREAT!!!” Plus I never felt threatened by the silly dumb couple. AMD I was thankful cause if that was the only “hate crime” I experienced that night I was thankful as two people were murdered 4 blocks away over a some drug deal. I’ve never believed in being a victim. And growing up in the Bush allowed me to have a good perspective on being self reliant and caring about what really matters. 

And what matters is getting some of my intestine removed so that I can maybe just maybe I can get my stoma removed. Though I’m starting not to mind it as much or mind the odd incident that occurs with it


   
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Tigerlily
(@tigerlily)
Joined: 4 years ago
Posts: 369
 

@yvan-charbonneau I am so sorry to hear about this incident! This happened to a dear friend of my husband and me, many years ago - also in Northern Ontario (where our friend was from). It makes me so sad to think that some people can treat others so horribly. I’m glad you’re OK, and I hope you never have this happen ever again.

 

Laurie

Just a semicolon


   
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(@davidinthailand)
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 45
 

hi Vicki

    im sorry you have had to deal with that vitriolic ignorance.     you dont say where you live,  if its the states,   my advice is RUN, dont walk, to a safer place.   i saw the writing on the wall 7 years ago and made the move to thailand where i met and married my amazing wife.     

      good luck to you   


   
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