I found VO, VeganOstomy, when I was searching the internet not long after my surgery to see what clothing might work for my new silhouette (“what to wear” was not my biggest issue, but this gave me something else to focus on). A stoma is quite an adjustment - the body and spirit have so much to adapt and get used to. It hasn’t always been easy, but it’s do-able. VO, VeganOstomy, has been a great help, and I hope that you are enjoying the videos, product reviews, Eric’s story, and the great people on the forums. 

I’ve learned a lot, through both VO and experience: to not eat big meals (though I certainly eat plenty during the day!), keep the number of products as simple as I can, take good care of the skin around the stoma, find a good, effective bathroom spray - and M9 drops. And that none of us are alone with this.

Have heart and take care,

LL

Mary we are here for you & want to help you adjust & figure things out. We all have ostomies of one sort or another & we want to help you! 

Having a stoma does not always mean leaks or waking up with one. Right now you may feel all you do is empty your pouch but Once you figure out what works for you & what signs of possible leaks to look for & how to avoid them... believe me life will become so much more DO-able. 

I was thinking this morning about the leaks I had in the first years of learning to live with my ostomy.  Had I known to look for support thru the internet just like you have... then things would have been much easier for me I'm sure!  Right now your guts are still learning to adjust as much as you are.  Give them time to settle down from pain & surgery. 

The best thing I learned was to eat "smaller meals more often" so I didn't feel hungry all the time and to NOT eat a few hours before bed.  I still eat my main meal between 3:30 & 5:00 p.m. & this way by bedtime, usually about 10 or 11 p.m. my guts have settled down & I can sleep knowing I won't have a bad night.  If I'm hungry in the evening I snack on a few cheese & crackers & a few easy to digest foods/veggies or pickles, like olives verses dill pickles, foods didn't cause gas &  I learned that my guts like. I kept track in a journal of everything I ate & how my guts reacted to them & how long it took foods to go into my pouch.  I learned all that and so much more here!! 

You'll figure these things out too Mary!!  I agree with all above, life is fun & so worth living!  Ask anything!!!  THERE IS NO  SHAME or JUDGEMENTS here! 

So, you've been knocked down pretty badly. But you can get up. There are ways to get some control back. But it's up to you to find the strength and the will to take that second step. You coming on here and opening up to complete strangers, shows me that there is some fight left in you. You took that first step, bravo!! 

Now take another step and reach out to the hospital that sent you home without any explanation of how to deal with your stoma. Get a little angry about that, it's okay. I would be so pissed if I was in your shoes! And I would definitely let them know and demand some help.

The final thing I want you to understand is, that accidents will happen. You will probably one day wake up in a pool of poo. And that is gross, yes. But you can prepare yourself so it'll be a little easier to deal with. Get some incontinence pads (or puppy pads, if you're ashamed to get the incontinence ones). Or a wahsable incontinence sheet. That way, you'll save your matress. Keep some old rags near your bed, so you can stumble to the shower without soiling your floor.

Don't worry about leaks in public. I've soiled myself many times in public and people are just too busy with themselves (or their phones) to notice. Just remove yourself from the situation and clean yourself up. Keeping some emergency suplies with you, will help you continue your day as if nothing happened. 

Your stoma happened to you and it saved your life. So there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and don't let anybody have you believe otherwise. But it's up to you how you deal with this. Will you get up and fight? Then make your bed every morning. Even if you get back in. I promise, it helps immensely!

If you can't find the strength right now, you might find it tomorrow. In the mean time, stay here with us and let us know how you're doing, okay?

You have been to personal hell and back!  The fact that your boyfriend was a good times only man says he's worse stuff then what goes in your pouch & has a lot of growing up to do no matter his age! God will deal with him in his own way & time. He's not worth the effort & emotions if he can't support you when you need it most.  

Your feelings of abandonment are so true! I went through similar when my main support & love died after our almost 30 years of marriage and 5 months after my ostomy. To be fair, he had pancreatic cancer diagnosed 5 months after I got out of hospital so he would have been here if he could have but I still went thru a ton of turmoil & questioning why God saved me & not him.

If your having trouble with meals, most hospitals in Canada have a resonably priced meal plan you can choose frozen meals from but you will need a salt & pepper shaker! Lol! Any issues with energy & strength,  seeing your GP may help esp. if your not able to eat right bcuz your guts are still adjusting or you are Anemic. Anemia can mess with you something fierce so make a list of physical issues & emotions and right out ask your GP to check that your getting the nutrition & vitamins you need & ask for emotional support too.  In Canada you can book a 20 min. Apt. (most are 10 min.)  & if not book a few apts in one week to address all your needs & be up front right away & tell your GP what you are doing & why.  Please ask about your concerns of depression. Tell him what you told us here. This needs to be taken seriously & even as believers in the Lord we need help & God helps those who help themselves. He gave us brains & smart Doctors to help us out so let them to help you.  

Mary,  the fact that you survived ALL of what you went thru & still going thru means God has a plan for your life. Your pretty darn amazing to have lost the use of your legs & to work so hard to walk again, then theres your thumb too!  This all speaks of an inner strength that not too many may have. 

I agree with Eric get some professional help.  I was on anti - depressants for a long time after my long bout of illness & then my husband's death but I  was able to wein off of them slowly once my whole system stabilized but I needed help & theres nothing wrong with that at all.  

I can't imagine changing a pouch with one less thumb!! Yikes!  How are you doing with that ??  Do you think a prosthetic thumb would help??  Maybe asking your GP about that if your not managing.  Right now it sounds like your head is trying to make sense of whats disastrously happened to your body & theres nothing wrong with that even if you are a believer in God as I am too & anyone who says different is wrong.  If its okay with you, I will keep you in my prayers regularly. 

I'd like to direct you to my life saving sense maker, lol,  when it came to illness and understanding why God let me go through all I did & live.   I know that well meaning people can be so judgemental but this Pastor helped me understand so much about myself & how God fit in.  I found "Dr. Charles Stanley" at 3 a.m. one very desperate night for myself.  Go to  intouch.com or .ca if your in Canada.  Through his website & his understanding of God & the Bible I learned how to survive toxic people & comments from well meaning people by understanding that God still loved me & had not abandoned me.  The T.V. Church service is called In Touch with Dr. Charles Stanley. Hes on here at 2 or 3 a.m. but lives in the USA & is on  again in the late afternoon Sundays thru VISIONHD,  Ch.871 . I record the night time show to watch in the morning. There is a bunch of Christian reading material you can access and even a link to have people pray with you any time day or night. Theres also a daily devotional based on the teaching of the Bible. You can order a copy thru the mail or read it on the computer. The church service is viewed in so many countries & languages,  theres a list on the site where you can find them. Dr. Charles Stanley is not your typical fist pounding pass over your wallet TV Pastor. He teaches Gods word & the understanding of the Bible.  Once I was able to look after my Doctor provided medical needs and that of understanding my spiritual life I was able to start to move forward. 

Mary, your still recovering & may be for a while but if your not able to work there is help for you financially out there too. I have a fair idea of whats available in B.C. Canada but we have members here who may be able to tell you where to look if elsewhere.  I'm on disability bcuz of my health & ostomy. 

Please ask any questions you need help with. We can offer a bunch of tips to work with your ostomy & help you find what works for you.  Try giving your stoma a name. My stomas name is Rose bcuz once I adjusted to my new normal I could honestly see that having a stoma was a beautiful life saving gift. That said Rose had several nasty names prior to that but naming her helped me connect her to me & appreciate her. 

Mary, take heart & know that things will improve for you & reach out for help at home too. If family doesn't know your needs they can't help.   Your doing the right thing coming here for encouragement & ostomy help. Maybe start a new forum asking questions you may have or simply telling your story so we can get to know you & say hello.  

I'm widowed 14 + years. I'm a Gramma of 7,  babysitting one Grand-D 2 to 4 days a week. I plant a bit of a veggie garden & keep a pretty flower bed from late  Spring to Fall where I gift live flowers to those passing by on foot.  Both my kids are happily married. I have a sweet playful little dog named Missy. I enjoy crafting & crocheting, sewing & counted cross stitch. I have new friends & a pretty wonderful group of other ostomates here. 

Thank you for reaching out! I hope this had been helpful to you. Sorry it was a  long read.