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Grieving my old self  

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sjlovestosing
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October 8, 2018 8:24 pm  

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to throw this out there. Has anyone gone through a grieving process after their surgery? For some reason, for the past two weeks, I have been finding myself crying - feeling a sense of loss. Not  that I am  ungrateful for the surgery and the second chance at life it has given me, but I just miss my old body. Has anyone out there had a similar experience? 

Stella


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UCtoOstomy
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October 9, 2018 12:53 am  

I personally go through moments of ‘down time’ where I wish I didn’t have to live with an ostomy and the headaches it brings.  But I always revert back to my senses and am thankful for everything I have in life.  I have a beautiful family with two beautiful baby boys. They need me to be strong and humble.   We need to be thankful for everyday above ground, every smile from a friend and every moment that we get to laugh at life’s $#it.  

I hope your grieving moment passes and with it being Thanksgiving here in Canada, take a moment to be thankful for family, friends, this website and its great members. 


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john68
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October 9, 2018 5:16 am  

Grief is a normal reaction to any loss change or bereavement. Is their any thing wrong with feeling down sad or angry? not in the slightest. we all deal with emotions different and this is only my own thought. may be its worst to bottle up and put on a brave front that all is ok when inside its not. I have read their are different stages to grief and the process brings us to a conclusion. being open to how you feel is a good thing to do. Stella you have from what I have seen on the forum done brilliant, you have coped and been their to help others with encouragement and advice. its all part of the journey

ileostomy 31st August 1994 for Crohns


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Sasquatch
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October 9, 2018 6:53 am  

I go through this occasionally too.  I chalk it up to being different than most other people, from a digestive standpoint.  I try to not let it consume me, most of the time it passes pretty quickly.  I find that when my mind is calm, my sense of reason speaks clearly and I realize this is just the path laid before me.  This too shall pass, just hang in there and let us know if there is anything we can do to help.

UC since 2002, subtotal colectomy Dec. 2016, proctolectomy Nov. 2018.


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sjlovestosing
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October 9, 2018 7:16 am  

Thank you everyone. Your support means a great deal to me, and it's good to know that I am not alone in this. I guess with the long stretch of rainy weather, I have been feeling a little low. I know that this will pass, and  I won't wait too long for help if it does. 

God bless you all.

Stella


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VeganOstomy
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October 9, 2018 11:40 am  

I've grieved the life I had before Crohn's Disease, but not my surgery. It's completely normal to grieve, but try not to get stuck in the past as it usually doesn't benefit us to do so.

It does get better, so hang in there 🙂

Just your friendly neighborhood ostomate.

~ Crohn's Disease ¦ Ileostomy ~


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sjlovestosing
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October 9, 2018 2:43 pm  

Thanks, Eric. I know that this is only temporary - I truly am grateful for my colostomy. I know, too, that I have had it better than many. I am almost doing all the things I've done in the past though I am being more careful. I have a loving, understanding husband and children and a grandchild who are thoughtful and loving as well. Most importantly, God, who loves me more than anyone else, has been with me through all this and is seeing me through my grieving.

God bless!

Stella


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Barbara
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October 10, 2018 1:12 pm  

My social worker told me that I would go through the same grieving process as I have experienced with the loss of a loved one. She said this is true with any "amputation" , she likened the removal of my colon to the amputation of a leg or an arm... and that is what has happened to me. Don't know about others but it has helped me understand those down days.   Hang in there...this too shall pass.

Severe rheumatoid arthritis, spondoloarthropy, polymyalgia rhumatica, type 1 diabetic, IBS and finally, emergency diverticulitis surgery, colon removed Stella born Jan. 27, 2017. 6 bouts of c-diff, failed fecal transplant. Complete colonectomy and ileostomy July 30, 2018. ENOUGH!!


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sjlovestosing
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October 10, 2018 1:25 pm  

Thank you Barbara. I'll get there I know.  God bless!

Stella


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danbh
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October 11, 2018 6:04 pm  

Yes, after my surgery I did find my self in tears, thinking about what I would not be able to do any longer, and what a pain in the butt (which is now closed) it would be to take care, cleaning, emptying, changing, and hoping it does not humiliate me in front of others. But then what was the alternative? the way I see it is "DEATH", and I have too much to live for. The sooner you realize this is your ticket to continue living, you will get over it - I did. You and your body are still the same, except the Ostomy bag hanging there, and you can do 95% of what you use to do before, and maybe even 100%. Give it time.


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SqueakyandLiza
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June 30, 2019 4:27 pm  

Oh my gosh Stella, I do this sometimes. I just sob uncontrollably wishing my life could go back to how it was. That and wondering why it happened to me. I know crying about it doesn't change anything but sometimes I just get so sad. 


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sjlovestosing
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June 30, 2019 8:20 pm  

Hi Liza,

It's quite normal to grieve, as I found out from the other ostomates. You'll have days, but just look at all you do have - a wonderful husband, and a "new friend" (Sqeaky) albeit a noisy one at times! As Eric said to me back in October, "It does get better, so hang in there." :-) 

Stella


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john68
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July 1, 2019 10:10 am  

I agree with grief but it’s a process and part of that process is moving forward. Looking back only hurts our necks. Life is still there good days and bad. You keep hearing it gets easier!!! And yes it does 😀

ileostomy 31st August 1994 for Crohns


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SqueakyandLiza
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July 1, 2019 11:35 am  

Thanks Stella. 

It does help to focus on all the good things I do have. It is hard sometimes. I feel like I have to keep a positive, everything is okay attitude around everyone else and it builds up and I just break down when I am alone, or just with my husband. 

I think it is nice that I feel comfortable enough with you guys to not pretend everything is okay when it isn't. But if I am posting too much or complaining too much, someone please let me know. 


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john68
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July 1, 2019 12:18 pm  

Hi Lisa, You are expressing your feelings and that’s what the forum is for, their may be someone reading who is going through the same who is gaining and learning. Eric has so much info on here, have a look at some of the interviews he has done with some ostomates. When I started out I was given a few tips by a guy over the phone, those where probably a life saver. So no such like as posting to much. Ask and you will learn, we all keep learning 👍

ileostomy 31st August 1994 for Crohns


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sjlovestosing
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July 1, 2019 1:03 pm  

Liza, I am glad that you can allow yourself to be yourself here. This online community has been such a God-send for me. Every time I connect with the forum, I feel that I have the support and understanding I need to help me through whatever I am going through. Also, it's a good place to laugh as well. Have you checked out Eric's video about the funny things that can happen to ostomates? It's definitely good for a chuckle. 

Have a good day and God bless.

Stella


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SqueakyandLiza
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July 1, 2019 5:37 pm  

Stella, I couldn't find the video. I will look again when I am done with work for the day. 


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VeganOstomy
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July 2, 2019 11:30 am  

My friend Laura (of Ostomystory) spoke about grief after surgery. She gave some excellent advice about giving yourself permission to grieve but made it a point to say that this should be short and followed up with doing something that makes you feel good (a bath, going to a coffee shop, spending time with friends, etc.). 

Long-term grieving isn't healthy, although, it's perfectly normal to have brief flashes of your life before surgery.

Just your friendly neighborhood ostomate.

~ Crohn's Disease ¦ Ileostomy ~


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Marcie
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July 2, 2019 12:39 pm  

Well put !!! One can get themselves into a bad depression and other illness can follow--Never mind lives own future annoucements that wont alter their direction just because we have a stoma etc...……  

2014 - 3 strangulations of colon, Ulcerative colitis, removal of colon, illiostomcy named woooh Nellie..


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SqueakyandLiza
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July 3, 2019 9:42 am  

Thanks for all the support. I think part of my problem moving forward is that I'm still sort of going through it. I still have a big open wound on my belly, so it is hard to adjust to my new normal when I can't completely see what it is. All this ostomy stuff might be easier when I'm not contending with wound dressing too. They are pretty close to each other.  

Plus, I was only noticeably sick for a couple months before my surgery, and was even working Friday, before my husband ended up calling 911 on Saturday night.  After reading some of Eric's articles, i can see there were probable signs of the Crohn's, which fear and embarrassment led me to ignore, but I never went through the agony that many of you did. So I didn't see the surgery as the end of an ordeal, but rather as the beginning. I know, because the doctor told me, that the surgery was life-saving, and for that reason I am very thankful that I had it, but I'm thinking the suddenness of it, paired with not even knowing I had Crohn's until after my surgery, is what is making it a little hard for me. 


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