This is a record of events from what it was like waking up this morning.

6:30am me did not expect to wake up to the warm feeling of excrement on his abdomen this morning.

6:30am me realized, in a daze that, he’s experiencing his worst ostomy leak of the past 18 months.

6:30am me tried to contain the leak with one hand, while fumbling in the dark, trying not to get any on the carpet; he failed.

6:30am me walked into the bathroom, not exactly sure where to begin.

6:30am me removed his underwear and brilliant white shorts (which were no longer brilliant white) and carefully places them on the floor.

6:30am me grabbed a plastic bag and tried to open it with one hand; these bags need two hands (preferably more) to open; he almost failed.

6:30am me pulled off his wafer, surveying the leak; he wonders how his ostomy appliance even stayed on.

6:30am me hops into the shower and washes his body; he likely spends too long-standing under the hot stream of water.

6:30am me wraps a gauze pad around his stoma as he dries the rest of his body.

6:30am me realizes that you can’t keep a dam from bursting with that single gauze pad; the bathroom rugs is now soiled.

6:30am me throws said rug, his previously brilliant white shorts, underwear and his favorite ostomy pouch cover into the tub and blasts off what he can with a cold jet of water.

6:30am me drenched everything in the tub with hydrogen peroxide, hoping those stains come out; this has worked before and has high hopes this time.

6:30am me curses “10pm the night before” him for not restocking his appliance change bag with more wafers or pouches; he carefully navigates back into the bedroom to get more.

6:30am me realizes that 7:30am him will still need to get lunch ready for the kids; he rushes to complete his appliance change.

6:30am me finishes in the bathroom, fortunate that he wasn’t a 3am or 4am me.

6:30am me returns to the bedroom to see if his sheets have been ruined, but miraculously, they hadn’t even been touched; the shirt and pouch cover he was wearing saved the sheets, but sadly, the shirt didn’t make it.

I hope you enjoyed the story; this is NOT how I wake up every morning, but it is something that I know can (and probably will) happen again at some point.